This is a text I wrote 4 months after I saw my boyfriend suffer and pass away. It’s been 2 years and 1 month. I’m starting to feel okay. — List of memories, scatology, illness, difficult conversations, soap opera, extracts from recent readings. A narcissistic text describing moments in the past and the present to help me walk toward my future. A text made public to face my fear of becoming vulnerable to life again.